your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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