she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
