i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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