uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
