Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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