My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
