I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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