just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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