He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
