I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
