I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
