A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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