how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
