It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
