I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
