Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
