some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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