Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
