Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
