If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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