You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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