Cold hands, warm shart.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
