is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
