I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
