I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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