oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
