You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
