Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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