dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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