Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
