I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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