you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
