He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
