her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
