hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
