While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
