The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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