she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
