I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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