Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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