Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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