Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize