TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
