Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
