I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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