Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
