Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
