Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
