Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
