I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
