so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Be still, my beating vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
