I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
